by Randy Glasbergen,used with special permission from
usage of any kind is prohibited and unlawful.
SUPPORT / HELP DESK "PHUNNIES"
BACK TO TYPING 101
Tech Support: You need to right-click on the desktop.
Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Tech Support: OK, right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Tech Support: OK, sir, can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Caller: Sure, you told me to WRITE "click" and I WROTE "click."
Tech Support: OK. Did you type "click" with the keyboard?
Caller: I have done something dumb, right?
Caller: I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.
Tech Support: Tell me what you've done.
Caller: I typed "A:SETUP."
Tech Support: Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.
Caller: It says (PC manufacturer) Restore and Recovery disk."
Tech Support: Insert the MS Word setup disk.
Tech Support: Did you buy MS word?
BIG BROTHER BEWARE?
Tech Support: OK, in the bottom left-hand side of the screen, see where the "OK" button is displayed?
Caller: How can you see my screen from there?
LET'S START AT THE BEGINNING.
Caller: Uhh... I need help unpacking my new PC.
Tech Support: What exactly is the problem?
Caller: I can't open the box.
Tech Support: Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there.
Caller: Uhhhh... OK. Thanks....
IF IT AIN'T BROKE...
Caller: I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type "INSTALL" all it says is "Bad Command or File Name."
Tech Support: OK, check the directory of the "A:" drive. Go to "A:\" and type "dir."
Caller reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.
Tech Support: All right, the correct file is there. Type "INSTALL" again.
Caller: OK (pause). Still says "Bad Command or File Name."
Tech Support: Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the "Enter" key?"
Caller: Yes, let me try it again (pause). Nope. It still responds "Bad Command or File Name."
Tech Support: (now really confused) Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says "Enter?"
Caller: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key. Does that matter?
READING BETWEEN THE LINES?
At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.
Caller: Hello. I can't get on the network.
Tech Support: OK. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage.
Caller: What is that?
Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."
Caller: OK. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar...